Firework Anxiety…

So I may be 22 years of age but I still hate fireworks! I don’t know what it is about them but they set me off (no pun intended). The best way I can describe it is I react to fireworks like a dog. I cower and flinch and cry until it’s over. As long as I can really remember I’ve never been a fan of fireworks. I can remember going to a display at around 8 years old and I couldn’t help but flinch and stop the tears from rolling down my face. Again at around 13 I was at a wedding but this time I can remember being a lot more anxious. I can remember my dads shirt being covered in tears. Since then I have kind of avoided firework displays.

This year I thought Chloe put on your big girl pants and go you’ll be fine. I wrapped up warm in coat and hat, took ear plugs and my camera. In my head I thought if I took my camera taking photos would distract me from the actual fireworks. I was wrong. I clung onto jack flinching, and couldn’t help but cry the whole time. I felt like what I now know is a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe, my heart was pounding in my mouth and I just wanted to run away. We then left to go to a very busy restaurant which didn’t help my anxiousness. We sat down and loads of people were crowding in. I then had to do my usual run to the toilet and breathe trick, to talk myself of the ledge.

I couldn’t believe how much of a state I was in. Over fireworks that are suppose to be a thing of enjoyment. I’m not sure what it is about the combination of flashes and bangs that sets me off so bad? It’s so difficult when your with people not to completely freak out. Especially when it’s your boyfriend’s family. I feel if I turned around and said ‘Sorry guys just had a panic attack in the toilet’ they wouldn’t have understood properly or made a big deal out of it as I didn’t want that. It’s difficult. I mean yes I controlled it but I don’t think I will be going to fireworks anytime soon.

Sorry for this ramble!

Little Mayfly x

27 thoughts on “Firework Anxiety…

  1. If that’s how they make you feel, don’t feel bad about it or that you need to put yourself in situations where you will experience them. Just because some people enjoy them doesn’t mean they’re fun for everyone. And that’s ok.

    They don’t make me anxious, but I’m not a fan either because of the affect they have on animals and wildlife (my dog picked up a used firework and we had to rush to the vets because the chemicals burned her throat).

    Hopefully you won’t see or hear any more now. And for New Year, I hope you can be somewhere without fireworks. X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank Kirsty! I have avoided them for around 10 years so decided it was time to try again. At least now I know I still don’t like them. That’s so sad about your dog! Thanks for your lovely comment x

      Like

  2. As a child one of my nephew’s was afraid of fireworks. Sometimes he will join family for a yearly outdoor symphony concert that always ends with Beethoven’s 5th. This piece ends in a crescendo of cannon fire and fireworks – so my nephew tends to be prepared, or leaves early. Fortunately we all understand the reason if not the root cause.
    From personal experience I suggest you do not visit China!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Never apologise for what worries you or scares you, what’s seems silly to someone else is very real to you. Have you tried watching fireworks with earplugs in so you can see them but the noise won’t be as loud? I hope your boyfriend was supportive x

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have read about how it is common for ex-soldiers to be afraid of fireworks because of the loud sounds like gun shots but I also know several people who just don’t like fireworks because of the loud sounds and bright lights. I think if you are quite sensitive to loud sounds and bright louds then it could perhaps trigger you. I wish I could offer you advice but just know that you are not alone. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I totally understand why fireworks cause you anxiety! They’re loud & actually super dangerous! I’m sorry you were with people that wouldn’t have been able to understand your bathroom break, but so glad to hear you were able to get yourself feeling a bit better that way. ♡

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Do you think maybe you’re just really sensitive to the noise/lights? I’m the exact same with hoovers/vacuums – the noise just goes straight through my head and triggers a bunch of anxiety. Have you tried ear muffs or ear plugs when you go to watch them? Sometimes overwhelming sensory input can be a trigger xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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