Not everyone understands mental health issues which I get! I also know it’s difficult because everyone suffers in a different way and there are so many forms of mental health issues. And not everyone understands when someone is suffering and when they aren’t! And all I know is what I’ve learnt from myself so I guess that’s all I can relate it to.
I’m not going to lie but the past few weeks I’ve been struggling! Anyone who’s a sufferer will know that they are a master at hiding when they are feeling bad. My heads been all over the place and I just don’t know which way to turn! I can’t help but turn everything negative when my heads filling with the depressive black fog comes back again! The more I try to ignore it the more I get anxious and make everything worse. No matter what it is I turn it negative. But that’s just a way I cope with everything going on I basically go into shutdown mode. Saying no to everything and anything I can. Hiding myself from everything that could possibly make things worse. When this happens I can’t motivate myself, it like being pulled down by some force I can’t control no matter how many times I wake up and try to motivate myself to get up and go. So Avoiding situations become key! Yes even ones that could benefit me, ones that I will probably kick myself for. And of course as you can probably guess this pisses off everyone around me as I curl into an aggressive ball of self pitty that won’t budge.The only way I can get my view out it to shout and be angry about it.
Yes I know I have a lot to be happy about but in this state I can’t reason with those things. They become worthless and faded in value. Still failing to find a part time job after hundreds of applications and seeing so many people around me succeed at amazing things, I can’t help but compare myself to everyone else.
Yesterday I approached someone and said I was struggling, (not that I admit it very often!) it almost felt like they shunned it, almost as if I was doing it for attention or something. Yes I know I Blog about this kinda thing but I never talk about it for attention. I know people try and help when I get in this state but there is no instant cure or magic word to make me feel back on track. As I said at the start I know not everyone understands mental health issues!!
Any positive suggestion I find a way to be negative. It’s a waiting game for a while. Yes I probably come across as a bitch and push people away and I’m sorry if I’ve don’t that to you. Just give me some time to rid the fog! I know not everyone understands it and it seems over the top or stupid to them it’s not a switch I can’t turn it on or off!!
Well there’s some Brian fart thoughts for you!
Little Mayfly x