I haven’t written a post like this in a long time, but I kind of feel like I am kind of going around in circles at the moment. Everything in life on the outside is fine and going well but I feel so up and down and that oh so familiar black fog is trying to creep its way back around the corner. Or maybe not around the corners I think it’s already swirling around my head and clouding my judgment. Like I’m trying not to let it obviously but it’s really being bloody persistent for the past week and a bit.
I find a small joy from one thing them ten minutes later it’s gone. No matter what I try (bath,yoga, keeping busy, listening to music all the norms) the ups and downs keep happening and it’s making me feel like I am all over the place. I also keep feeling panicked out of nowhere, hot, fast heart, and that feeling of wanting to throw up. I haven’t felt like that in such a long time which makes me feel more panicked when it happens (and of course that helps the situation👍🏻). Going out for meals, in a coffee shop, or waiting to go into work or feeling intimidated by people who shouldn’t intimidate me, it’s hit at such random times. My head starts spinning and that is it! I hate that I keep feeling like this and feel like I am just a pain in the ass to everyone I am around, and then start pushing people away as I crawl into my foggy ball. Just want to get out. Like tonight I was sat at the dinner table and my head was spinning the whole time I couldn’t concentrate.
Sorry I try to make posts on this blog positive and don’t always show you guys how shitty things so that’s why I don’t always write these posts anymore as I know people who I know read these posts now! But I felt like I had to write something out tonight as it was getting a bit too much and I feel a bit better for it!
Sorry for a poopy post!
Little Mayfly (plus a foggy head) x