Self Judgement…

I know I am my own worst judge! I’ve known it for a long time now, I alway feel like I need to do well to prove to people I can do things even though I don’t have a specific reason to prove I can do things. But I have no idea how it started?! Maybe it was from comparing myself to my siblings or peers or others achievements you see daily on social media, that thought that I should be doing it how they are?? Why isn’t my life as successful as theirs?? I start thinking “Oh no I can’t do, wear or be like that because of A,B & C reasons” which I know is ridiculous but I just can’t help myself. And I know I’m not by far the only person who thinks in that way.

When you think of judgement you think of like some judge Judy look alike looking down at you over some low rimmed glasses, but instead it’s you looking down on you, picking out all of the error no matter how big or small they are in front of an audience. Even though the audience can’t see or even think the error is anything to get self judgie about (Sorry that’s the best way to explain the image in my head). I think for me the judgement starts off when I’m feeling a but down I automatically begin to pick at myself but by bit. It could be anything from the way I look, what I’m wearing, what I am saying or some tiny element that didn’t matter 10 mins ago but now seems like the end of the world. But even though I am aware that I am doing it I still continue to basically make myself feel shitty about myself. (Ahhhh!)

But I think I’ve said this before but I think it genuinely boils down to me caring way to much about what people think!! (Again Chloe I think we all saw that one coming!!) I’m sure people don’t really care what I look like, what I’m wearing or saying. But at the time I weave myself into that self judgement mood and I can think or do nothing else. It sucks. But I know I’m not the only one who does this?? I think? My mind again just turns to overtime and ticks until I’ve picked myself into a ball of self misery on the floor. But hey! Even if I can identify it now I’m not saying I won’t continue to do or feel like this at least probably daily! (Thanks brain)!

Thanks for reading another brain fart blog post! Just felt like I had something to say on the subject πŸ™ˆ

Little Mayfly x

14 thoughts on “Self Judgement…

  1. You’re definitely not alone in doing this. I’m a lot better now at caring less about what people think, but my self-judgement can still be pretty bad. It can become a vicious cycle too because once you start to pick at yourself bit by bit, like you say, it just gets worse until you’re feeling crappier about yourself, then it’s harder to stop and be kind to yourself. Of course, you/we/all of us know it’s not helpful and that we deserve to feel better than that, but caring less about what others think as well as silencing our inner critic are easier said than done. A very important ‘brain fart’ on the topic my lovely, hugs xxxx
    Caz

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  2. You’re not alone. I always feel that, not only do I have to do it all to perfection… But I need to do it all. Until I’m so overwhelmed that I fall into my depression hole and can’t leave my house for days. Mental. Haha. Hope this helps you to not feel alone.

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  3. You are definitely not alone in this. I feel like that is pretty much my constant mode of being. lol Being self aware of it makes it even more infuriating, too, but at least being aware of it is the first step in getting better about it. πŸ™‚ Sometimes I try to keep in mind what they taught us in band and choir when I was younger, “If you mess up, just keep going. Don’t draw attention to it or stop what you’re doing because chances are that among everything else going on, no one really noticed anyway.” Thanks for sharing your feelings on this subject. It’s nice to see people not afraid to be so open about things. πŸ™‚

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  4. You are definitely not alone in this. I judge myself all the time. With little things that shouldn’t even matter to bigger things. My biggest enemy and my biggest bully is myself to be honest. I make myself feel dreadful more than other people making me feel dreadful. Some days are better than others but overall all this judgement of myself has lead to me hating myself and sadly I don’t think there’s a way to fix it – it’s just how I am.πŸ˜•

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  5. you’re definitely NOT the only one who does it, girl! We all do, some more than others. I can completey relate to being caught in a spiral of self-loathing though unable to crawl out of it. It’s terrible. Much love xo

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