What I think it comes down to the most with me is the fact I have a massive lack of self belief!! I regularly go through waves of thinking I can’t do or achieve things especially when I see everyone around me completely slaying at life! Even though they are the people who are telling me I should believe in myself!!
I find that it hits me a lot at the moment I feel as if I’m crap at everything and completely useless or worthless! Maybe because I care to much about what people think of me that I feel I can’t do things? Or I care to much about doing good? I’m not sure it’s hard to pinpoint?
Like I know I can achieve some of the things I think I can’t do. For example yesterday I had a bit of a breakdown about not being able to finish uni (I have less than 2 months to go until I finish for good). Which at the time felt like a massive deal, like I couldn’t even physically imagine me even coming back to London today! Let alone going to lessons and getting good grades! But I made the first step and I’m back! Just got to get my ass to lessons and get the marks I deserve! And now that I’m here that goal does seem do able. I guess maybe I was panicking at the time?
I think this issue I have with self belief is kind of connected to the hole self loathing thing I’ve go going on which I have written about previously…Self Loathing I just have to believe I can do things and stop worrying about others.
Sounds easier said than done I guess? Sorry for another brain fart of a blog post, just had to blurt it all out to make sure I understood it myself (if that makes sense?).
Thanks for reading.
Little Mayfly x