Without a doubt this year has be a tough one! At the start of the year I wouldn’t have thought that 2016 would have ended up the way it has. Full of ups and downs all over the place this year has been a complete rollercoaster, from Brexit to celebrity deaths left right and centre to Toblerone changing the size of the gaps between each chocolate block it really had been a mad year.
For me this year has been a massive personal battle. I like to think and give off this idea that I’m this strong person who can get through anything and that nothing bothers me, but I’m really not! At some points this year I never even thought that I would actually make it to this point. I’m guessing that for most of the people reading this you will probably already know by now that over the past year I’ve struggled with my mental health. I always assumed people with mental health issues were just attention seekers and that they would “just get over it”, but after experiencing it I feel foolish for assuming this. I never thought I would be affected by something like depression and anxiety because I didn’t seem the “type”. But mental health doesn’t have any “type”. At the time I didn’t even realise I was not only wrecking myself but people around me. I was completely blind to it! I was irritable, had a lack of concentration, and basically saw no light at the end of the tunnel I would just sit on my bed for hours on end as I had no motivation, I just put it all down to being home sick and I was going to chuck uni down the pan as well! But looking back at the year now I realise that I’ve come a long way not only to talk about my feelings and thoughts on a platform such as this blog (which I find is a place where I can just blab about anything) ,but I can now realise when I start to go down hill and start to prevent it! Yeah I’m on medication but that won’t be forever, it just helps me get a hold of myself for now. I’m not saying it’s all peachs and cream as I still quite often do have days where I can’t get out of bed or the thought of going out to socialise is unbearable and it all seems worthless again, but thank god these days are becoming less frequent. I try to just get on with things as normally as I can and that seems to work for me.
I’m also glad I went back to uni! For a while back in august I wasn’t going back! But I did it and I’m so glad I stayed. I’m in my Third year and it is really stressful but I seem to have a hold of it so far. As with every year the classes have picked up a hell of a lot with new content and sequences but I don’t feel left behind. I’ve also loved having the chance to perform on multiple ocassions this term with an amazing group of people and an amazing set of mirrors which has been a really cool opportunity. Along with third year come the dreaded dissertation but I feel happy with my ideas and research even if I was sick in the middle of a tutorial (yes eww). I’m also glad that I went back to uni to be back with my trampoline team, I even came 31st in one of the competitions we did in Bristol, which I was so chuffed with.
But all in all I’m thankful for the year I’ve had. I’ve met and chilled with some pretty cool people and I don’t think I will forget it anytime soon. But I guess I’ve also learnt a lot from everything that has happened this year as I did lose myself at times. But on the hole its all looking up, in no way am I saying “New Year new me” because lets be honest that never happens.
I wanted to post this before the new year rolls in as let’s face it I will probably be out of my face drunk in some unknown location near Tewkesbury somewhere when the clock strikes 12. Hope you all have a great New Years eve!
Thanks for reading.
Little Mayfly x